Dear Sir…or Ma’am,
What the fuck?
I don’t know what I did to you for you to have this all consuming desire to fuck up my life, but I gotta tell you Lord, I’m not to fuckin’ thrilled with it. I mean really, you don’t have anything better to do. Isn’t there a group of devote Catholics somewhere praying over bingo cards that you could be attending to? Noooo. For some reason you’ve decided my life needs a little fuckin rearranging. Thanks, but no thanks.
So is this a test or something Lord? Should I be fasting and praying? Should I be heading for the desert to do a little soul searching? Cause I gotta tell you Lord, I’ve been to the fucking desert and there’s no soul searching going on there. Just a whole lotta fuckin’ kids dying. Yeah. And I’m pretty sure you’re the cause of most of it. How ‘bout you just fucking appear and let us know who to listen to? Jesus? Mohammed? Steven Spielberg? I really don’t give a shit, but it would put a lot of old arguments to rest.
So Lord, I’m sure I had some point to all this, but I’m about 8 beers in and I’ve totally lost my train of thought. I think I covered the main topics. Let’s see…you suck and you’re fucking up my life. Yep, that’s it.
So if you could stop doing that, I’m thinkin’ everything will be Jim Dandy. Oh and as long as I have you, thanks for the Steelers last Super Bowl. And if you could do me a favor and smite the Bengals starting offense with herpes or plague or something, I would appreciate it.
Thanks.
Bob
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Job was no blogger, but really helped carry me back in the day.
ReplyDeleteAlso, Ecclesiastes.
God doesn't spend time messing up our lives. That's what we do on our own. You know, that whole free agency thing. I'm sorry you are going through hard times. Perhaps you answered your own question. Perhaps some fasting and prayer would help. These folks are pretty helpful as well. If you're going to be angry at someone throwing a wrench into things, kick Satan in the crotch. After all, it's his job to make our lives miserable.
ReplyDeleteYou could submit this to McSweeneys.net. They take open letters. I'm working on one to country music.
ReplyDeleteYou are a fucking bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete